Walls

My roommate and I listened together to the president of Mexico respond to the president of the United States' ultimatum for their visit.  As we both wondered what the future holds, I asked her, "As a Mexican and an American, will we have to turn against each other someday?"  Signaling the hallway between our rooms, she suggested that maybe we should start putting up a wall now.  I demanded that she pay for it, and she refused. :)

As I recounted this conversation at breakfast the next morning, it got some hearty laughs from the staff around me.  Through the various jobs I've had in my life, I've learned the value of "laughing to keep from crying."  But then we became pensive.  Among the various things we discussed, one of the cooks commented, "We do put up walls in our own homes, don't we?"

That really stuck with me.  I think walls are generally built to protect, defend or confine.  Whatever the motive for a wall, the result is a division.  Through this deeply conflicting time, I see people reacting in anger and walls going up.  High walls, thick walls, invisible walls - walls that I fear could be harder to tear down than any physical walls.

I don't have any great new answers to the problems in the world today.  But I think that as we act in what we believe to be true and right, we need to be aware of walls that might be going up in our hearts and minds.  Walls that keep us from loving our family and friends.  Walls that keep us from doing the truly radical work of loving our enemies.

(Image from What History Teaches Us About Walls)

Amazing Grace

I have been his supervisor for a year now, and it has been a bumpy road.  There are times he gets so mad at me that he refuses to talk to me for days.  During those periods, I try the "kill him with kindness" approach advised in Romans 12:20.  Sometimes it works and we regain a delicate balance as we try to figure out this challenging business of living and working in community.  Sometimes it doesn't.

We are on the rocks again, and it's been that way for a few weeks.  He seems to be hurt by what he thinks I think of him, and it feels like he is trying to hurt me in return by flinging harsh words at me and preventing others from helping me.  I'm tired of his negative behavior and divisive influence on the staff.  I decide I need to call him on it, but I wait until the end of what I said he could take for Christmas vacation, and then I send him a text message.

"We need to talk, can you come by the office when you have a chance?"  "Yes, I'll let you know when I get back."  In my mind I've thought of all the things I want to say, how I want him to feel bad for the way he treats me and others, to let him know that he has let me down and that I no longer know if I can rely on him, to ask if he is even happy here anymore because he doesn't act like it.  I am not skilled with words in the heat of the moment, and I try to prepare myself.

Incarnate Leadership by Bill Robinson

However, I am getting ready in another way as well.  Earlier this week I cracked open a book on leadership that was gifted to me after helping at a conference years ago.  I had gotten to a chapter called "Living in Grace and Truth."  Suspecting it might come in handy in this situation, I grabbed the book on my way out the door today. As I await this upcoming conversation, I pour over this chapter with a thirst I didn't realize was in me.

Grace.  It's not something I've read or heard much about, now that I think on it.  There is, of course, the infamous song "Amazing Grace," but that makes one reflect more upon receiving grace than giving it.  I have decided to show mercy on many occasions, when I was principal of the school here and dealing with children that seem bent on hurting themselves and others.  But what does it mean to show grace?

Here's a passage that particularly stands out to me as I read:

Grace favors trust over cynicism.  Grace corrects kindly, not in a mean-spirited way.  Grace celebrates what people do right, while acknowledging honestly where they need to improve.  Grace restores confidence...

Hmmm... That's not exactly what I had in mind for my upcoming conversation...  Maybe I need to rethink my approach.  The author reflecting on his own experiences with confrontation leaves a big impression on me as well:

• First, I will have a hard time hearing the truth if I am busy defending myself.
• Second, I will have a hard time identifying the truth if the assault feels like it's more for your good than for mine.
• Third, I am not capable of accepting truth from you if the attack feels personal.
• Fourth, I will stop thinking about truth if you make claims about my motives.  Only I know my motives - and I would rather you ask me what they are than tell me what you think they are.

An hour later, I get a text.  He is finally back and do I still want to meet?  "Yes, thank you." I respond, as I tape down a piece of paper to my desk - my third attempt at fitting the four points above onto a small notecard.  I have decided to act in grace - give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he is trying to do the right thing when he does what he does.

When he comes in, I find myself beginning with an apology for something I do that I see now is hurtful for him.  He accepts my apology, and I go on to share with him how it hurts me when he says certain things to me.  We end up talking for much longer than I expected.  It is a haltingly awkward conversation, but it takes us a few steps closer to the firmer ground of a trusting relationship.

And I am surprisingly able to make all of the points I had hoped to, but now they are seasoned with grace.  It seems to have helped, as he thoughtfully receives my words   As we finish up, I recognize that we will probably need to have another one of these conversations in the near future.  We are the same people who struggle to get along with one another.  But hopefully our trust and understanding of each other has grown.

Reflecting on what has just happened, I realize that in embracing grace and truth, I have loved someone who was hurting me and who I wanted to hurt in return.  And this wasn't even loving an enemy - this was loving a brother in Christ.  I am ashamed to think of the way I had been planning to act, and thankful for this intervention that came just in time through this book someone was generous to give away nearly 10 years ago.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, 

so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 4:6

Picture This: Holidays and more...

Here are some random photos from November and December, from Puebla to Denver to Oaxaca again.

In November, four of us from the children's home traveled to Puebla for the Global Leadership Summit.  This is a view of the volcano Popocatepetl from our hotel. 

O' Christmas tree....  I am blessed to live in a very nice apartment here, and at Christmas it is especially cozy with the warm glow of Christmas lights.

I went home for Thanksgiving, unaware that I'd be arriving during Denver's first snow.  It was beautiful to see through my airplane window, but a bit of a shock stepping off the plane - do they not heat those walkways? :)

Back to Oaxaca - beautiful sunset in Houston as we board the plane.

A special treat of tamales as Christmas approached.  And made extra special for me, because the cooks made some chili-free tamales just for me. :)

I Pintrested my way through my Christmas card elective class - but the kids enjoyed it and they turned out some sweet cards. This year was also spent time focusing on what went inside the cards, something I didn't realize I needed to do until last year when the kids were gifting empty cards to people. :)

These beautiful flowers were budding on a bush I always passed on my walk home.  While lovely to look at, I also got a kick at their similarity to a Muppet's face. Can't unsee it. :)

The women at the church that volunteers at the children's home came on Christmas Eve to present a procession of the women in the lineage of Jesus and sing a Christmas home.  It was a neat visual.

Visitors will be visitors... Can you tell the difference in this photo between the people who live at the children's home and the ones who were just there for a day? ;)

This Walmart is actually open... Fearing riots due to an increase in gas prices, many major stores kept all their doors shut except one.  Walmart also seemed to have put away all their expensive electronics.

The view from inside Walmart that day.  Compared to the reports we hear about the northern Mexican states, Oaxaca has been relatively calm so far about this whole gas increase.

Here comes the sun.  During these chilly winter days, I long for the time when the sun finally makes it over the mountains to heat up the day.

3rd/4th grade having Spanish class outside to escape the chilly classroom. :)

The cook had mercy on the accountant and me in our chilly office and brought us hot chocolate and bread!  What a special and thoughtful treat.  God is good!

Teaching Angel

In the new year I will be learning to balance teaching English at the school again with being the administrator of the children's home.  While I might have trouble working out the timing of it all, I think it could be refreshing to be in the classroom again.

I have actually been teaching classes again for a while now - first with Sunday School and then teaching an elective on making Christmas cards.  In all of these recent classes, I've had a student named Angel.  He is a very eager student, but not great at following directions.  I continually have to be correcting him or asking him to keep on task.

But he also has said some of the sweetest things.  One day in my elective class, I wrote on the board what their grades would be based on (punctuality, participation, attitude, following directions, and creativity).  At the end of the period, I began to erase the board but Angel asked me to leave the list up, so he could remember to do better the next day.  Aw...

The last day of our elective was also the day we opened up the gift of new books for the library (thanks to a generous donation from a women's Bible study group).  Somehow we finished all our work and had everything cleaned up and put away five minutes before class was over.  Angel asked if we could read some of the new books, and I said sure.  He shouted to the rest of the class, "Did you hear that you guys?! We can read more books!"

Students and teachers enjoying the new books in the library.

A few days before Christmas Eve, the pastor helping us informed me that they would like to do a church service, and that I should take the kids for Sunday School.  Out of lesson plans, I decided to just recount Luke 1-2 for the kids, since they have been so attentive and interested when we've been going over the parables.

They did well, and at the end I was going over what we'd learned.  I asked what Zechariah did when he heard the message from the angel (didn't believe and was struck mute until his child was named).  I then asked what Mary did - Angel spoke up and said, "She believed the angel and then her stomach inflated and she had a baby!"  We were all a little surprised by his description, and I said, "Yes, something like that," as the rest of the class chuckled.

The kids in Sunday School working on their own Christmas murals

I ask for your prayers for this new year here at the children's home.  It has started out with several challenges and we are really feeling the lack of sufficient staff members.  I enjoy teaching and am glad to help, but I am concerned that, in doing two jobs, I might not be able to do either of them as well as I would like to.  May the Lord send workers to his harvest field, according to his will.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

Christmas Reflections

Happy New Year!

There were two things my mind kept reflecting upon this holiday season, and I thought I'd go ahead and share them, even though it is already the new year, and perhaps it is too late to be posting about Christmas...

The first thing I've wondered for a while, but this year I remain even more baffled.  How is it possible that people miss the message of Christmas?  I hear famous artists on the radio singing about a God, king and sacrifice.  I see people on tv singing about joy to the world because the Lord has come.  How can they hear the words and not understand the message?

I got an answer when discussing this with some friends here.  One said, "Maybe it's like that ridiculous song we heard on the radio - about stealing a mattress in Boulder?"  As I gave that some thought, our other friend was offended.  "I love that song, I know every single word," she informed us.  "And you know what it means?" I asked.  She realized our point as she said, "Ah... no."

I know there is a verse that says the message of the cross is foolishness to those who don't believe, but I think it is never so clear to me as it is at Christmas time.  Christmas hymns can bring great peace to my spirit, and it's hard to imagine not understanding the deep message they can hold.  It makes me ever more grateful that the message has been revealed to me, and I pray the same for others.

The second thing I've been reflecting on this Christmas is how amazing it was that Mary believed what was promised to her.  Maybe there are some differences in how long she had to wait for the promise to be fulfilled, but there are so many examples in the Old Testament of people not trusting God to fulfill his promises and getting ahead of Him.  They thought they had to do things in their own way, and they changed the course of history, not for the better.

But the promise made to Mary was fulfilled perfectly, as was the promise made to Zechariah and Elizabeth.  How wonderful that they didn't try to figure out how they could make God's word come true - they trusted that God would work the miracles, and He did.  Life probably didn't go as they thought it would from that point on either, but their trust in God's promises changed the world, for the better.

Here in Mexico, most people celebrate El Dia De Reyes, the Epiphany on January 6th, remembering the day when the Three Wise Men following the star to Bethlehem, arrived bearing their treasured gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh for the Baby Jesus.  I close this Christmas-y post with a video of an amzing star I spotted on my way home from the wedding last week.  May we understand God's message and trust in his timing and ways.