Every valley

It was Sunday night, and I had gone over to a friend's house to listen to an Advent sermon.  I poured myself some tea from the steaming kettle, and sat down at the table to watch the live-stream.  But right then I somehow knocked the mug on the table directly towards myself to receive a boiling hot dousing right in my lap.

Thankfully I was able to rush to the bathroom and hop into a cold stream of water in the shower before I was burned too badly.  Wrapped in a towel borrowed from the hall closet, I tried to continue on with the evening, undeterred.  But it was so strange an occurrence, and I couldn't work out in my mind how exactly it had happened - it was almost as if something was trying to get me down.

As the week progressed, it seemed to turn into a series of really big challenges designed to trip me up.  Come Thursday morning, I felt so weighed down.  Maybe it was some slight depression, maybe it was some spiritual warfare, but I couldn't seem to pull out of the negative thoughts I was dwelling on and the dread I had for some hard conversations yet to be had that week.

When I went outside for breakfast, I was surprised by a glorious sunrise. It made me smile because it felt like an encouragement from God.  And when I turned the corner to go to breakfast, there I saw a brilliant rainbow - which couldn't seem any more like a glorious gift from God.

Lots of people think the story ends there and it seems like it should.  I felt clearly that God had put hope in front of me - and yet, while those gifts registered in my mind, they had trouble sinking into my heart. It still felt burdened.

I got to breakfast in the dining hall, and I found I couldn't eat it because of my food allergies, so I walked back to my house to hang laundry on the line. I had planned on doing two loads, but someone else had taken my clothes out and started a load of their own. As I hung up my wet laundry piece by piece, I gave in to the disappointments and allowed the tears to come. 

Wanting to pull out of these continued negative thoughts, I decided to play some Christian music on my phone as I worked, to change my focus.  When I finished that task, I went to my house and climbed onto bed and cried more there. I'm very thankful that the message of the music eventually got through to me and my spirit began to feel lighter. The weight was lifted and I felt a calm come.  I was able to go on with my day and I even had a tough conversation right away that I had been dreading.  And it went really well!  So that was a huge boost too.

That very morning I had listened to a sermon about spiritual intelligence and renewing our minds.  The pastor mentioned that if the way to the new way of thinking is like a narrow footpath, the old way is like a six lane highway.  We will naturally take the easier way.  And honestly, it was easier for me to hold onto the control of hurt and worry, rather than to let go and allow hope and joy back in.  But it was so much better once I finally did.

That brought new meaning to my understanding of Isaiah 40 that morning:

In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD, make straight in the desert a highway for our God.  Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain.  Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all the people shall see it together, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

May I continue to prepare the way of the LORD within me, may there be a straight highway and level place for my God.  Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Mt. 11:28-30

Leadings and changes

It was during the brief window of time in the afternoon when I am alone in the office, that one of the teenage girls came in, looking for the director of the home.  When I told her she was out, the girl asked if she could speak to me about something.  When people say they need to talk to me, it can mean anything from the very mundane things I don't really need to be a part of to the major things that set my world off-kilter for a while.  Lowering the screen of my computer and bracing myself, I said sure.

As she took a seat, she asked me, "Miss Laura, how do you know when God is speaking to you?"  Wow, well then... After raising my eyebrows in surprise, I paused a moment to gather my thoughts.  Interestingly, I had just listened to a podcast in which a pastor went over important points of what it meant to be Spirit led.  I managed to remember about half of them as I fumbled my way through my side of the conversation.

Then I questioned why she was asking.  She shared that, through messages from various pastors and leaders, she had sensed on three separate occasions that God was calling her to return to her family, to help take care of them.  She has not been without some major issues here at the home, and her family situation is not a real positive one either.  I commended her for being alert to how God might be leading her, and encouraged her to continue the conversation with the director of the home as well.

In the end, she decided to follow how she felt she was being led, and left the home in December to live with her family again.  She is not the only child who left the home at the end of the year.  One young man who has been praying for his mother to be released from prison was finally able to happily rejoin his family after her recent release.  And a single father, who had his three young children here at the home for years, has finally found enough stability in his life to have them rejoin him as well.

It is beautiful and a little frightening to see the children be able to return to their families.  Beautiful because God created families and designed us to live in them.  Frightening because we are no longer "in control" of their safety, their education, helping them towards and in their walk with God.  But recently I heard Craig Groschel share that, as a leader, you can have control or you can have growth - you cannot have both.  I think that can apply here as well, as we pray for growth for these kids and their families, knowing that God is faithful to complete the work He has begun in each of us.

If you are interested in the six points of being Spirit led that I heard from R.T. Kendall, they are as follows (based on the acronym PEACE):

• Providential - Does the door open, or do I have to knock it down?
• Enemy - What does the enemy say or want me to do?  Would the enemy encourage me to do something like that? 
• Authority - Is is biblical?  Is there anything in the Bible against it?
• Confidence - Does my confidence increase or diminish at the thought of doing this?
• Ease - Do I have peace about it?  What do I feel in my heart of hearts?