Around the river bend

August 24, 2018

I sit beside the river in Golden once more before my departure tomorrow.  I sat here for half an hour before doing anything – just allowing thoughts to come and go as I stare into the waters and at the light coming through the trees and at the bugs dancing in the air above the turbulent waters.

One of my first thoughts was of how the bumpy waters flow into a calm patch to the right of me – and how this time of rest is like the calm bit – waves gently lapping the shore.  Then I audibly said, “Oh no!” as I realized the waters then speed up and head over rocks and boulders in a rush.  What is to come?

I remember on my first day here an tuber saying, “We’re gonna die!” as they headed over the edge.  I chuckled at the time at his exaggeration.  But now I wonder if a time of great difficulty is coming where I might feel the same way.

And then I notice the waters grow calm again beyond the mini-falls.  That certainly brings hope and peace to consider.  And then I notice light flickering in reflection on the trees above me – light that is currently flickering on my face.  I trace it to a place right beside the precipice, a place where the waters are super calm.  And I am reminded that even in the troubling times, God can pull us away to calm and restore us.

But there is another pool of water right near me that I am noticing as well.  The waters there are very still.  So still that they don’t look fresh, but instead rather stagnate.  Trash from the river (leaves and twigs) have collected there and I wonder if it is a breeding place for mosquitoes.  I suppose we cannot be permanently still.  We must continue moving on down the way – to things beyond our sight around the river bend.

It has been strange, looking at pictures from Oaxaca.  I feel like I’m looking at someone else’s life.  Things I posted that seemed so natural at the time, now seem so foreign looking at them from here.  I’m glad I’ve been able to disconnect from work so completely.  I’m glad for the moments of stillness I’ve been able to find.  I’m  glad for the ways the Lord has filled my heart.  I thirst for more.

But I think it’s time for the river to flow on for me.  What towards?  Now I wonder more than before.  But I can’t stay here or I think I’ll grow stagnate.  Not that I can never return – but I’d want to do it with the Lord’s guidance.

Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God to order and provide

In every change, he faithful will remain

When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows as sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless His Holy Name

Be well

August 22,2018

It is a chilly mid-August day and I sit beside the rushing waters of Clear Creek in Golden.  I have been home for nine days now and have not had a lot of opportunity to be still – the very thing that was the desire and call of my heart in taking this trip. 

I hurt and I’m worried.  I’m worried that I desperately needed this rest in order to be well and better as I got back, and I’ve been too busy to get any better.  Even now tears fall down my face onto the boulder beneath me.

But I’m also receiving the thought that my healing is not in my own hands, but in God’s.  He will do the work of restoration in me.  I do need to do the be still part, but He can work in mighty ways in His time – three days or two weeks or whatever.  He is mighty to save.

“Show, then, your wound to the Physician that [God] may heal it.  Though you show it not, [God] knows it, but waits to hear your voice.  Do away your scars by tears.  Thus did that woman in the Gospel, and wiped out the stench of her sin; thus did she wash away her fault when washing the feet of Jesus with her tears.” Saint Ambrose

“Take heart daughter, your faith has made you well.” Jesus J Matthew 9:22