7.2

Exhausted, I sit down at my kitchen table after a long day.  It's Friday and I've been sick all week.  With February's crazy weather, temperatures have begun to rise, the heat of the day has taken a toll as well.  I eat some microwaved leftovers and watch Netflix before the teenage girls come over for more of our series.  And then I notice the room is moving.

It doesn't take long to realize that this earthquake is a more powerful one.  When it doesn't end but grows stronger, I stand up and move to the middle of my apartment where it is safer.  The furniture and windows rattle and some leaning photos on my shelves fall down from the strong tremor, but nothing else does.  As the movement tapers off, I go to my room and put my shoes back on.  Looks like my week isn't quite over.

I walk over to the main building of the children's home where the kids live with their houseparents, checking on groups of people I find outside along the way.  My hands and my voice shake even as try to keep them steady.  It is chaos in the courtyard where everyone's running around excited in the adrenaline of the moment.  I ask the houseparents to make sure they know where all their kids are and ask the more mature teenagers to help us assess if there is any danger in their homes.

Nothing seems broken, no walls or ceilings seem more damaged.  I have contacted our executive director and my family, and received a phone call from a leader in the Baja Mission.  We are also getting messages on our group chat from staff reporting in that they are ok.  I am swarmed by children and teenagers as I take out my cell phone once again to check out if the magnitude has been posted online yet; later reports will set it as a 7.2.  By the time I finish with my checks around the houses, everyone has returned to what they were doing previously, and I make my way back to my apartment.

About an hour after that first quake, there is a strong aftershock.  Defying what we've been taught, people once again run outside.  I decide that before the teenage girls and I begin our evening together, I want to review the best place to be in my apartment during an earthquake - to avoid them all running down the stairs as they did once months ago.  We also put out a glass of water to be able to determine between our imaginations and actual aftershocks.

The water turns out to be unnecessary as our evening goes uninterrupted.  We make apple crisp and watch three more episodes of this addicting show we began a year ago.  We tell each other goodnight, wishing each other good sleep and hoping there are no further earthquakes.  I get ready for bed and am using the bathroom when another aftershock hits us.  Come on!  There are times when you begin to think, "You know what, I'll just take my chances with staying put." :)

Monday morning brings another rude awakening just after midnight, with a magnitude 6.0 aftershock.  Oddly, I woke up minutes before and so was already awake before this one.  It goes on long enough that I grab my shoes that I now keep beside my bed and go to stand in the hallway once again.  We get a message that all classes in Oaxaca will be canceled that day and our kids stay home, enjoying the extra time but also helping with tasks and projects around the house.

One week after the initial quake on Friday, the news will tell us that we have had 4,000 aftershocks - many imperceptible to us, but enough that you begin to wonder if you are really feeling movement or if it's just muscle memory playing tricks on your mind.  I never would've guessed that we'd be going through so many larger earthquakes, but things are wacky lately and it seems that the unexpected is the new normal.

And yet, even as we enter new and unknown times, I am reminded of the scripture that tells us, "what has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." Ecc. 1:9  I am thankful for our safety thus far and will continually try to improve our readiness for future possibilities.

Judge not

Being the administrator of a children's home has taught me many things over the past year.  Things about God, things about myself, things about leadership, and things about living and working in a close community with others.

One of the outstanding lessons that comes from community living is one I actually heard about when I was a teenager.  It went something like this, "The things that bother you the most about other people are often things you do yourself."

Over the years I have reflected on that from time to time, trying to examine myself before getting too upset with others.  But this truth has never been made so clear to me as it has over the past year.

My role as administrator here has many facets, and one is to help resolve problems among the staff.  This means I have the joy of people coming to me to complain about one another.  It happens more often than I'd like, but I always try to take time to sit and listen and try to empathize with their situation.

Sometimes I advise people to seek out that person and try to resolve the issue in a healthy way.  Sometimes I ask them to pray for one another and do what I can to help as well, whether that means intervening or helping with perspective.  And sometimes I recognize that people don't need me to solve their problem, they just need someone to hear them.

But many times what happens is, I listen to what is bothering people, and I nod in understanding, and then a short while later it occurs to me that the complainer is doing exactly what they came to complain to me about.  In fact, quite often they are even more "guilty" than the one person they find issue with. 

Actually, it's uncanny how often people do what they complain about.  Other times it's just ridiculous.  How does this happen?  How are we so blind to what we ourselves do, but are so quick to judge our neighbor?

Hey, now.  That sounds familiar...

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." Mt 7:3-5

This small community living is challenging.  Add in serving together as well, and it can feel like walking through a minefield at times.  And yet, what a blessing it could be, if we took Jesus' words to heart.  If, when we see a brother or sister doing something we think is wrong, we pause long enough to examine ourselves before thinking we have the right to be the judge of them.

And when we do need to correct one another, how blessed it would be if we could do it in loving and healthy ways.  Speaking the truth in love Ep 4:15.  Building each other up, not tearing one another down 1Th 5:11.  We could be iron sharpening iron Pr. 27:17.

As the daughter of a geologist, I love the example of smooth stones. Whether they've been through a rushing river, pounding ocean waves, or a polishing rock tumbler, smooth stones are smooth because their rough parts have been knocked away by other hard rocks over time, leaving a pleasing softness to the stone.  I think community living done the right way could be like that, and we could become more beautiful together, rather than more bitter.

Complaining is easy.  Judging others is foolish.  "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Mt 7:1-2  Let us do the harder work of loving one another, and love each other well.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Jn 13:34-35

Don't worry

Soon after being made 'keeper of the keys', I bought this holder I saw at a local Christian bookstore.  It said what I needed to remember as this extra stress was added to my life, "Pray more, worry less."

I was working at a camp in college when I first began to consider God's perspective of our prayers.  My contemplation of the subject was sparked one day when a kitchen worker came to excitedly tell me about something amazing that had just happened to her.

That morning she had been very surprised to find the kitchen empty when she showed up to work.  Why was the door locked?  Where were the other workers?  Confusion turned to worry as she wondered what would happen when the kids started showing up for breakfast.

Panicking, she went to the head cook's door, waking him up with her pounding.  What were they going to do?  It was too late to prepare breakfast.  Still groggy, the cook made short time of reminding her that it was Friday.

On Fridays we never had breakfast in the dining hall.  Everyone already knew that.  Everyone.  The counselors always picked up cereal and milk to eat in their cabins.  This was the way it had been the entire summer.

There was actually never any real problem, except for her forgetting what day it was.  And yet, this is what my friend was amazed to see God working through.  Even after realizing that it was Friday and she had just made a mistake, she was still marveling at God and his mysterious ways.

...what?....

I didn't see any divine providence in it, still can't.  This was just the way things always had been.  I couldn't wrap my mind around how exactly God moved in all this.  However, I did begin to realize something I hadn't understood before - that sometimes we worry unnecessarily because we cannot see from God's perspective.

I've given thought to that now and then over the years, and was reminded of it again a few weeks ago.

There was a tough situation that I was made aware of here at the home.  It was unprecedented and uncomfortable and I didn't know what to expect.  Now, my typical response to stressful situations is to imagine and worry about the possible outcomes that might happen, almost always worst case scenarios.

I cannot remember a time when I wasn't this way.  In high school my favorite scripture became the verses in Matthew 6:25-34 on not worrying.  Loving these verses didn't mean I was suddenly free of worries.  It continued to be a very real struggle for me through the years and is still something I battle with.

But with this situation, after a short time of my obligatory worry session, it occurred to me that there was nothing I could do apart from calm my anxious thoughts down and pray.  A few days later, I went into our leadership meeting unsure of how the others would react, but trusting that God would work through it.  I just needed to do my part.

And as it turned out, one of the leaders was already aware of the situation, reacted well, others followed suit, and so far it has turned out to be a happy situation for everyone involved.  And I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't waste my energies worrying about things that, in the end, never came to pass.

This year I began reading the Matthew Henry Commentary on the Whole Bible alongside of my daily scripture reading, and it has greatly enriched my experience of the Word.  Today I read of Joseph and his brothers, their hatred of him and eventual deception in selling him away and telling their father, Jacob, that his beloved son had surely been killed by wild animals.

Matthew Henry's reflection on Jacob's pain at this false report is this:

"...like Job, he hardened himself in sorrow.  Note... We must never say, 'We will go to our grave mourning,' because we know not what joyful days Providence my yet reserve for us... We often perplex ourselves with imaginary troubles.  We fancy things worse than they really are, and then afflict ourselves more than we need.  Sometimes there needs no more to comfort us than to undeceive us: it is good to hope the best."

This weekend I have been on guard duty here at the home.  And it has been two days filled with plenty of opportunity for worry.  Our ATM cards have expired and we have no way to get cash from that bank account.  There was a fire blazing next to the home on a windy evening, lighting up the mountain next to it.  The water pump stopped working before our church service as people were getting ready.  But because I had this in mind, I have done my best not to worry and just do what I can in each situation.  And it has made a world of difference.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."