Get closer

After a brief hiatus, the teenage girls and I have resumed our "Once Upon a Time" Friday night viewings.  A new development is that, after a crack down on behavior last month, a lot of them have been making better decisions (that we know of 😉) and were all able to come to my house - which made for a very full house!

One thing these girls do every time they come over is that they always wash their dishes before they go.  Impressive, eh?  However, come morning when I would go to put the dishes away, I would always end up putting half of them back in the sink because they hadn't been washed well.  Whether it was brownie bits or hot sauce, there were always dishes that I would have to rewash.  Were they bad at washing dishes?  Were they lazy?  What was the problem?

Then one evening I washed my dish right after they left and realized something.  It was so dark in the kitchen that I couldn't see if I had gotten the dish clean or not.  So, I turned on the light and washed my dish (which, in fact, was still dirty).  The next week when the girls came over, I turned on the kitchen light when they washed their dishes, and guess what... the dishes were a lot cleaner the next day!

I took a step closer to the problem, and my perspective changed.  And the solution I found addressed the issue without nagging the girls for something it turned out they didn't have a lot of control over.  In leadership I've found this to be true as well.  When people doing something that is frustrating to me or I don't agree with, I can complain and wonder about it all day long - but when I finally take a step closer and simply ask them about what's happening, my perspective often shifts dramatically.

It was interesting a few weeks ago when border issues were a hot topic, I happened to be taking a trip that led me across the border.  I thought, man, what will I encounter?  And was surprised by the ease and lack of tension I found there.  I'm not saying it was problem-free, and there was probably a lot I wasn't able to observe, but I was able to take a step closer and get a different perspective.

When we are deep in a situation, it can be good advice to take a step back to see the bigger picture.  But I think maybe these days when we are bombarded by loads of information and opinions on so many wide-ranging things, it can be good to do what you can to take a step closer.  It won't be about finding out who's "right" and who's "wrong", but just shifting your perspective to see what else there is to be seen and hopefully learning something new along the way.

Who shook you up?

Today I was opening a Sprite bottle, and it started to fizz up, so I closed it, waited a few seconds and tried again.  It fizzed up again, I closed it, waited a few seconds, and tried again.  This bottle seemed ready to explode on me with every attempt, and finally I said to it, "Who shook you up?" (you get to talk to objects sometimes when you live alone 😉).

"Who shook you up?"  In working with kids in foster care in the States and kids in the children's home here in Mexico, I have been reminded that we are trying to bring healing to wounds we did not inflict.  People in these kids lives have done major damage, and we are trying to put the pieces back together.  Someone shook them up and we are slowly trying to open them up, with pressure building and threatening to explode from time to time.

Tonight I decided I needed to stop planning on taking better care of myself, and start doing it.  My sister is preparing for a marathon, I can at least go for a walk.  The thing is, when you live where you work, work tries to creep in wherever you go.  I think that's part of why I've become so sequestered in my house when "off duty," but that is not great either.  So, I went out into the surprisingly chilly evening air and began to walk.

On lap two around the home, I got a phone call from the teenage girls' housemother.  She was about 15 feet away from me, so I just silenced the call and walked over to her.  After dealing with what she needed, I said hello to one of the teenage boys sitting by himself on the porch.  Months ago he was in a soccer accident and busted a tendon in his knee.  After hoping inactivity would help it heal, and that not happening, we're moving on towards surgery in about 10 days.

I told him he looked lonely there and asked him how he was doing.  He said so-so, in a way that you know "so-so" means "not so good".  I stepped closer, asking if he had someone to talk with about that.  He said no as his face contorted in controlled pain, but one or two rogue tears leaked out.

I asked if he'd like to share with me, so that I could be praying for him, and he said no.  I asked if I could pray for him right then, he said yes.  Afraid that he felt obligated to say yes, I told him he could say no, but he said yes again.

Instead of closing my eyes, I've begun to look at people when I pray for them.  It helps me to see them and pray for them more meaningfully - hopefully it doesn't creep them out...  As I prayed haltingly with my hand on his shoulder, uncertain what to say really, more tears ran down this young man's face.

I gave him an awkward side hug before leaving and let him know I'd continue to pray for him.  As I walked away, I wondered for a second time that evening, "Who/what shook you up?"  

I can imagine endless reasons why he is struggling right now, and I could be completely wrong on all of them.  Thank God He knows every factor in this young man's life right now, every thought, memory, decision and worry on his heart and mind.

As I finish my walk up, I am still wishing I had said more, done more.  But no matter what I can do, it cannot compare to the soul-mending God can do.  God can and may use me, but thank God He is the One who does the healing, and I pray that over this young man's life as I go to bed tonight.