Reflections on 2017 - A Time for Everything

As I reflect on 2017, I go through a series of questions posed by Velvet Ashes in an October post called, "A Time for Everything" based on the famous passage in Ecclesiastes.  It is a very interesting way to reflect on the past year and look towards the new one, and I will repost their questions below.  

But before I do that, I'd like to mention that Velvet Ashes is an amazing resource that I'm glad to have found.  If you are looking for a place to make a donation, I'd like to suggest this one.  They're doing great things to encourage women around the world, and could use support.

Ok, here we go...

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A time to be born and a time to die... (What is God birthing in you? What is dying?) 

A time to plant and a time to uproot... (What are you planting? What is being uprooted?)

A time to kill and a time to heal... (What do you need to kill? What needs healing?) 

A time to tear down and a time to build... (Are you in a season of tearing down or building?)

A time to weep and a time to laugh... (How can we weep with you? Where can we laugh with you?) 

A time to mourn and a time to dance... (Are you mourning? Or dancing? Or both?)

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them... (Is this a scattering or gathering season for you?)

A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing... (Is there someone you need to embrace? Or refrain form embracing?) 

A time to search and a time to give up... (Do you need prayers for strength in the searching? or the giving up?) 

A time to keep and a time to throw away... (What are you keeping? Or is this a throwing away time for you?) 

A time to tear and a time to mend... (What do you need to tear? Where does your life need mending?) 

A time to be silent and a time to speak... (Is God asking you to speak more? Or listen more?) 

A time to love and a time to hate... (Where has God been stirring love? What do you have a fresh hate for?) 

A time for war and a time for peace... (Where are you following your convictions? Is there a relationship you need to prioritize over a conviction?)

As Kingfishers Catch Fire: A Conversation on the Ways of God Formed by the Words of God by Eugene Peterson says this about the wisdom literature: 

“The life of faith has to do with the best that comes our way; the life of faith has to do with the worst that comes our way. Neither cancels out the other; neither takes precedence over the other.

Thanks be to God who values a time for everything.

Reflections from 2017 - November 20, 2017

Today I took time to read through journal entries from the past year.  It was a very interesting, and at times stressful, experience.  I struggled a lot this past year in my new role as administrator of the children's home, and in wondering if God's call of me to this place is still as strong as it was four years ago.  This journal entry from November 20, 2017, after a final meeting for the isthmus trip, stands out to me as an important milestone in this past year:

A realization came to me this evening halfway through the meeting.  As one of the young men described his elaborate plans of different colored teams and rotating games and competitions, I realized this sounded a lot like a group of starry-eyed dreamers going on their first mission trip.  And then I realized that, despite the fact that I have been serving with them for years "on the mission field, " that's exactly what they were.  For the majority of them, this was their first real "mission trip."

 My first mission trip was in 1997, 20 years ago, followed by many, many more.  What am I now?...  Someone who left a job she loved and the people she loved to follow God's clear call.  A call that has been a struggle nearly every step of the way.  A call that has left me feeling broken, isolated, worn down, and desperate to give up more times than I can count.  But a call that has also molded and matured me beyond what I thought possible.

So where does that leave me with this group?  Certainly no longer fresh-faced and eager like many of them.  I wish I had more exuberant joy and contagious passion, but I don't see that within me.  As I look inside right now, I see a steady flowing stream.  I'm not sure what that means, but it somehow brings a peace.

Reflections from 2017 - May 7, 2017

Today I took time to read through journal entries from the past year.  It was a very interesting, and at times stressful, experience.  I struggled a lot this past year in my new role as administrator of the children's home, and in wondering if God's call of me to this place is still as strong as it was four years ago.  This journal entry from May 7, 2017 stands out to me as an important milestone in this past year:

Yesterday I realized that I want to be here for the long-haul - whatever that means.  For so long I have been focused on when my time here might be over.  But yesterday I realized that these kids need people committed to them long-term.  As the years stretch before me, I now know with certainty that I don't want to leave because of difficulty, but only with the clear guidance of God in his perfect timing.  With his help, I will weather what is to come and will not give up.  Scary?  Yes.  But we are not called to live free of risk.  "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10.

 

Reflections from 2017 - January 14, 2017

Today I took time to read through journal entries from the past year.  It was a very interesting, and at times stressful, experience.  I struggled a lot this past year in my new role as administrator of the children's home, and in wondering if God's call of me to this place is still as strong as it was four years ago.  This journal entry from January 14, 2017 stands out to me as an important milestone in this past year:

"The wise Rabbi Bunam once said in old age; when he had already grown blind: 'I should not like to change places with our father Abraham!... Rather than have this happen, I think I shall try to become a little more like myself.'  The same idea was expressed with even greater pregnancy by Rabbi Zusya when he said, a short while before his death, 'in the world to come I shall not be asked: "Why are you not Moses?" I shall be asked: "Why are you not Zusya?"'" - John Garvey

 These quotes put me in mind of a conversation I had with a board member who was here briefly this week.  She came to my office to talk about how it is going and how I'm doing, and to pray for me.  Our conversation revealed to both of us my lack of confidence in myself.

I think I somehow thought it was humility that motivated me to say those things, even an admirable humility, I'm embarrassed to admit.  But I see now that it is coming off as a lack of confidence - one that will not help the people I'm supposed to be leading.

These years are revealing a new me, and I should not bemoan that I am not more like the leaders who were before me, but I should desire to be more like me.  To not realize at the end of my journey that there was a Laura I was meant to be that I never became.

For now I may have to fake it till I make it (confidence), but that has surprisingly worked in the past.  I must find a way to be both confident and humble.  More like Christ.  My confidence need not come from myself, but from my trust in God who has called me to this work.

A Christmas Reflection

I'm finally nearing the end of my 3-year Bible reading plan, and these days leading up to Christmas have me reading the minor prophets - not something I generally do a lot of.  So on December 24th, as I continued my way through Malachi, I was surprised to find myself reading a foretelling of John the Baptist and the day of the Lord's coming:

"I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me.  Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the LORD Almighty.

But who can endure the day of his coming?  Who can stand when he appears?  For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap.  He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver.  Then the Lord will have men bring offerings in righteousness... Malachi 3:1-3 

Very interesting to read this on Christmas Eve.  Puts the 'baby wrapped in a manger' thing into a new and challenging perspective.  "Who can endure the day of his coming?  Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire..."  Makes me think of the challenging teachings of Christ, many of which we as Christians today ignore or are 'blissfully ignorant' of.

Malachi goes on to say:

“On the day when I act," says the LORD Alimighty, "[those who feared the LORD and honored his name] will be my treasured possession.  I will spare them, just as the father has compassion and spares his son who serves him.  And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not." (v. 17-18)

Matthew Henry's commentary on Malachi 4 notes:

If [the wicked] were not stubble, it would not burn them; for the fire will be to every man according as he and his works are found; if they be wood, hay, and stubble, they will be consumed; but if they be gold, silver, and precious stones, they will abide the fire and be purified by it. (1 Cor. 3:13-15)

My hope is to be counted as one of those who fear and honor his name, who serves him, who is his treasured possession; that this refining fire that is the Lord will, instead of consuming me, purify and refine me.  A very interesting and unexpected reflection for this Christmas season...

Sounds of the Season

I've stayed in the office to be around while the psychologist meets in a nearby room with kids who are struggling with various issues.  It's late when I finally lock the office door and turn towards home.  The sun is setting to my left, and I smile as the noises of the evening begin to catch my ear:

The hum of traffic passing by on the highway.
The roar of a lion in the zoo across the street.
The jingle of my office keys hanging from my neck.
The songs of evening birds as they alight in the trees.
The thud of a grasshopper as it hops into my path.
The cracking of my knees after sitting at my desk all afternoon.
The call of crickets beginning in the chilly night air.
The clanging of the dinner bell reminding me how late it's become.
The crunch of the rocks and dirt on the road beneath my shoes.
The swish of the power washer as someone finishes cleaning a van.
The voices of my neighbor talking with her young daughters.
The creak of the kitchen door as someone gets to dinner late.

I climb the stairs to my apartment, close the windows to keep in what I can of the heat from the day, plug in my Christmas lights, and find some leftovers for dinner.  After setting my alarm for early the next morning, I turn on some calming Christmas music and give thanks for the comfort of my warm covers before nodding off to sleep; glad to rest before the start of a new day.

A 19 Hour Mission Trip

It started with a question from a doctor about where our worship team had purchased the wooden pallets for their new stage, and resulted in two of our staff and one university boy driving with a caravan of vehicles to a community five hours away.

They went to an area that was badly damaged by the recent earthquakes, and brought with them dozens of wooden pallets to create a floor so that those living in shelters wouldn't have to sleep on the wet ground.  National and international response to the big communities hardest hit was extremely generous and, when our guys arrived, they found that an abundance of physical help had already arrived.

They did what they went there to do, constructing floors of wooden pallets, but they also witnessed something that bothered one man in particular.  More than the damaged buildings and the people living in temporary shelters, he was struck by the continued fear he saw in the people there.  There have been hundreds upon hundreds of aftershocks in that area, and each movement brings back the memory of that first one that changed their world.

Seeing this need, and motivated also by frustration with the divisiveness of the Christians in the area, he decided he had to go back .  He wanted to share the hope of a God who loves them and cares for them, hope that can cast out fear.  So over the following month he gathered a team of us together and last weekend we went back to that community with that purpose.

Part of the team made plans for fun times with the kids, and others were there to spend time with the women.  I went to be present and supportive as a leader.  Cold weather has arrived in force earlier than usual this year, so we also brought 500 warm blankets with notes of encouragement to hand out to people.

To be honest, I am weary and was not really looking forward to this 19-hour mission trip (10 hours of which would be spent on winding mountain roads), but I felt a call to it and was committed to go.  I was glad I did because I enjoyed the whole experience much more than I expected to.  I think we were all blessed by that day, and we hope that God's purposes were accomplished through what we did.

I spent the majority of my time making Christmas cards with the youngest children, while the older ones joined in on the fun of rally.  The kids' social adeptness surprised me.  One little girl came up to me and said, "I want to play with the kids, but I'm embarrassed."  I said, "Well, should we go together?"  She agreed and I took her by the hand to join the group of kids playing with a ball.  I told the leader why we were there and he asked her, "Would you like to play?"  "Yes," she said with confidence, and she jumped right in :).

We had expected that some of our guys would hand out the blankets in local neighborhoods during that time with the kids, but the scheduling worked out in such a way that we were all able to participate.  It struck me how receptive people were to us, a parade of tired people on a blisteringly hot day, handing out blankets to anyone who wanted one.  They would tell us thank you and we would respond in the customary way of speaking here at the children's home, "Thanks to God."  I hope the encouraging notes that went along with the blankets left a lasting impression on those who received them.

Your continued prayers for people and communities around the world affected by traumatic events are important.  We live in a time when it is easy to become overwhelmed by the abundance of news about natural disasters and evil acts.  Never before this age of information did we get news so quickly of earthquakes here, fires there, corruption in that country and attacks in this. And when something new happens, the cameras turn towards the next big event, leaving the others forgotten.

But as believers in Christ, we are not without hope, nor are we without resources.  We believe that this weary world rejoiced at the coming of the Savior and we can share that message of hope.  There is great power in prayer for people near and far.  There is tangible power in loving those God has placed around us in this life.  And there is the so often untapped power in loving our enemies, and truly praying for those we disagree with or are heartily against.

Below are some of my pictures from our time in the isthmus, snapped on my cell phone as we went through our day.  Thank you for your prayers for our trip, I am especially thankful for the safety and the fellowship we experienced.  I don't know if we'll get a chance to go back, but I trust that God was at work there before we came, and will continue to work there into the future.

Making Christmas cards with the mothers and little children.

Christmas cards are not a tradition here, but they caught on quickly :)  Here the girls paint strings of Christmas lights.  Knowing we wouldn't have great access to water in the camp, I went with Q-tips instead.

One toddler would point to things and begin to cry if we left him alone too long.  This is the result, a piece I like to call, "Fussy Baby Art" ;)

I ran out of simple ideas for cards, so from upside down I quickly drew a tree on one paper and then about three others wanted a tree drawn for them.  Work with what you have ;)

Feliz Navidad!  One thing I hoped to achieve with these cards was a way for them to encourage one another.   One older boy wrote a message inside of his card that said, "Sister, it was a while ago that we fought, but I wanted to say I'm sorry."  Wow!

This was one of the older kids, I was amazed by the beauty of the touch of color he added to his snowflake.  I said, "You are an artist!" and he smiled shyly.  Later he came back to show me another thing he'd drawn and truly surprised by his creativity I said, "You really are an artist!"  "I know," he said with a smile.

Walking through the neighborhoods that were more seriously damaged by the earthquakes.

Our truck and trailer were full of the 500 blankets.

Part of our group consisted of some of the teenagers from the children's home.

We encountered many people working on reconstructing their homes.  It is good to see the resiliency and strength of the people in this place.

Every single blanket came with a note written by staff and kids from the children's home.

At the end of this hot day we had time to visit a lovely waterhole.  Not having planned for this, many just swam in their clothes.  I sat on the edge and moved my feet around in the water (moved them around because if I kept still little fish nibbled on them).

Driving off into the sunset at the end of  a long day.