The B-I-B-L-E

(journal entry from Monday night, June 12, 2017)

I rejoice in the Lord, for He is good.  His love endures forever.

I asked the Lord to reveal his love to me, and my eyes were opened to the murky mess I have stepped into as administrator - but not without hope and not without answers and not without His presence.  Something new is beginning in my leadership, something I may stumble through but hope to keep going.

Today I had conversations with so many people and I was so tired by the end of it, more so than ever before as administrator.  I had a bowl of cereal for dinner and headed back out to lead the teens' devotional.  I was amazed to feel no nerves at all.  I had spent the afternoon working on what I would say and was less nervous than leading a staff meeting or devotional for adults.  It was so nice.

I got there early, as did many of the teens.  I tried to kill time with a circle game, but they went wild.  So at 7:00pm I had them all sit down and informed them at regular volume that I would not be shouting.  Eventually they all shushed each other.  Thirty plus teens and one adult seems a little uneven, but I also let them know that I may need to ask for a pen to write down the names of anyone who was causing problems.  One boy in the front row was eager to offer me his pen, but I told him I'd ask for it when I needed it, which I hoped I wouldn't.

I began with the first part of Ravi Zacharias' story about his Vietnamese interperter Hien and then spoke of my own journey reading the Bible.  How the first time I read the Bible all the way through it took me six years.  But from then on I've been practically addicted to reading it - having read it in 90 days, in chronological order, in Spanish, etc.  I am constantly amazed by parts I don't remember reading before.  But it took a lot of work and false starts to finally develop this habit.  I challenged them to read the Bible too, whether they believe it to be true or not.  And 19 of them ended up signing up for a Bible reading plan!  I did not expect that.

I also did not expect their reaction to the story of the guy I met in college on Pearl Street who had memorized the whole Bible but didn't believe it to be true.  "Did you tell him it was the truth?  Did you make him believe?" they wanted to know.  I explained that part of believing in the Bible is the work of the Holy Spirit.

"Well, how old is he?  Is he still alive?  Could we find him again?"  "Well, I only met him one day, I don't even know his name. I was 19 and he was maybe... 40?"  "Oh, well, he's dead by now," said the same kid in the front row, right before I jokingly kicked him out ;).

Some girls wanted to secretly ask me something, so they called me over to the back where they were sitting and had me lean in close.  "Could we get the Bible in 90 Days Reading Plan?" they wanted to know.  Wow!  I tried to encourage their ambition while reminding them to be realistic, but they seemed determined.  Another girl wasn't sure what versions of the Bible she had, but she was excited to check it out.  It was wonderful, their interest.

I finished at 7:30, but asked if they wanted to hear the second part of the Hien story.  They all seemed eager, so I finished the story and we prayed.  They all seemed so genuinely engaged.  I know I am glad for the experience.  I pray that God cement the new ideas in their hearts and minds as to how to explore His word, according to His will.

When I am weak

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."  "I think you misunderstood me."   "I don't understand your question."

Am I getting worse at Spanish?  Or am I getting to a level where I'm more aware of my mistakes?  Or are the situations I'm involved in getting more complicated?  Maybe it's an unfortunate combination of all these things, but I have felt very weak in the area of communication lately.

It came to a critical point for me when I was sitting in my office listening to a woman from the government who had come to check out our information for tax purposes.  After a few questions, she asked me if we were Christians and, after I said yes, she poured out her life story to me.

She was a Christian single mother struggling with the immaturity of her young adult son.  After what I think was about an hour of talking to me, she leaned in closer and said something confidentially to me about why she was really there.  I knew what she was saying was important, I understood all the words, but frustratingly I didn't catch what she meant.

I mentioned it to the leadership team later on and we've decided to take steps to try to prevent this kind of situation.  In an effort to avoid every day "lost in translation" moments, I am going to try to double check that I understood what was decided on.  In more important matters, I'm going to ask one of them to be present with me.

Asking for help was something I used to say was one of my greatest weaknesses.  And while I still fear that it will make me look insufficient or needy, I realize that it's better for everyone if I recognize when I need help and ask for it.

It is humbling.  Sometimes when my weaknesses seem so debilitating, I wonder why I am in the position I am in and wish I could give up.  But I trust that God already knew about my weaknesses when He put me here and He has a plan.

When I am weak, I am forced to recognize that I am at God's mercy and the mercy of those around me.   And thus far, though it is far from smooth sailing, His grace has been sufficient and He has proven Himself faithful and good.